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18 years. Some would say 18 LONG years. That’s not our case.
After revealing to Tigz that I was gay and we hooked up, I knew I wanted to be his boyfriend. I broke up with the girl I was dating but Tigz was hesitant to break from his and give men a try again. Totally understandable with the way I saw his previous boyfriends treating him. I thought to myself how could they treat this amazingly sweet handsome boy like that. He found comfort in the woman that treated him like a king although he sexually was not attracted to her. That didn’t stop me.
Even while he was with his girlfriend we continued to mess around. I’d always go to his house. He’d come to mine. I pushed for him to leave his girlfriend but it was a long conflict within himself to stay with the first person to care for him genuinely in a long time or take a risk with me, someone who may potentially be another guy on the list who breaks his heart.
It took a while but I finally convinced him that I would never treat him like that. We had a foundation as best friends for about two years and I wanted to build on that. I wasn’t just some guy he met on a chat room. I was his best friend and wanted to be his best friend for life.
We didn’t define it for awhile so we didn’t have an exact date that we started dating. Halloween was coming up and I knew that was his favorite holiday. The costumes, the candy, the lively celebrating by everyone, the chance to be someone you want to be that’s deep inside you, basically the definition of Alter, alter ego. I told him let’s make Halloween official. He agreed. So 18 years ago, October 31st, Halloween 2001… we became an official couple.
Now how 18 years? Before becoming an official couple, like I said we already had the backbone of a relationship that was important. We found an incredible bond as friends. We had the same interest, same tastes in guys, same love for video games, dancing, partying, etc. Throughout our relationship we kept that foundation holding us strong.
You’d think we’d want to kill each other. Since we got together we did everything together. There was rarely a day I didn’t see him. Still to this day there is rarely a day I don’t see him. We even work together at the same company. Any day I didn’t see him I felt vulnerable and alone. I would miss him and just constantly think of him. I wasn’t me without him. When I couldn’t see him, we would be on the phone talking until we fell asleep.
Sacrifices. We’ve both made many sacrifices to stay together. Tigz was supposed to go to school for architecture. He’s a great designer and amazing with art. His school was in Northern California. I was studying in SDSU to become a computer engineer. I would ditch class just to see Tigz at work on his lunch break and bring him food. We sacrificed what was at the time our goals to be with each other. He decided to not go to school to be with me. I left school to be with him. Some people would say that wasn’t smart, but what was not smart for us was to loose what we had. We’d figure out eventually what we’d do in life but our new goal was to do it together.
Our mission to stay with each other didn’t come without hardships. As we were learning each other, and there is always something new to learn, we’ve had our ups and downs.
It’s normal to have fights and boy did we fight. It’s normal to have fights but we also did have our abnormal fights. Screaming, threats to kill ourselves, cops paying a visit. It wasn’t always pretty. Although most people through the social media world perceived us as the perfect couple, we’ve had our ups, our very high ups, but also our downs and sad very low downs. But we prevailed through it. We didn’t let those downs define what we wanted our relationship to become. At the end of every fight was always us coming together closer.
We’ve had so many more ups and those ups were euphoric. We knew that our happiness when we were together outweighed those instances that were not so fun and that became our focus. Keep it fun, keep it live, keep the things that brought joy to us. Kill the shit we hated about each other. Make changes. Alter your history for the good.
Coming from not much money we did our best to make everything feel like an adventure. We saw what we can, we did what we can. Looking back on everything I am so happy with everything that we did together. So many happy fun memories that still warm my heart.
Finally finding stable jobs we move in together. Man that was one of the best days of my life. Getting our own place. Knowing I wouldn’t have to be alone ever again. We moved in to the heart of Hillcrest, the gay part of San Diego. It’s where our life really started to mature and take form into what it has become today.
We grew up. We became active in our gay community, dance community, and rave community together. We built a massive social network within those communities that became our family for life. Being gay you choose your family when your real family is not there in your support. Support from yoyr family became another key factor in our relationship. They made us feel like we were a part of something. When Tigz and I felt alone with our problems we knew there was something bigger to focus on that was outside of ourselves. You need that to give more purpose to your own relationship.
Years would go by and we did everything together. Tried new things. Went to new events. Tried new food for the first time. Tried 3somes, 4 some, orgies with 7 people. Traveled. Went to many prides, many raves, many festivals. Clubbed. Joined a few dance teams. Perused a career in Hollywood as dancers. Eventually ended up working for a company together. All of our adventures we did together and grew stronger. Keeping everything exciting, at home or out in the world.
This all leading to today. Still together everyday through this pandemic. All of the knowledge we’ve built about each other got us through figuring how to be stuck with each other at home, 24/7 for over two months. We made it. We are strong.
There was not a day I can recall that I didn’t say ‘I love you’ to him. I really do. I look at him and I see someone that I want to take care of for the rest of my life. With everything that we went through, there are some things I would have changed. I used to have anger problems, probably came from my dad, but I’ve learned and I am still learning to not become that rageful person anymore. Otherwise what we went through made us the couple you see today. 18 years in the making. 18 years that didn’t feel like 18 years. 18 years of life experiences that I wanted to have with my best friend. My life partner. Although we have been engaged for awhile, soon… my husband. I LOVE YOU BAH BAH.
So how do you keep a relationship to last this long? I am not a relationship counselor and can’t give you professional advice. What I can say from my experience is to find your best friend. The one you want to live life together. Understand what I just said. Not just live together. LIVE ‘LIFE’ TOGETHER. Do the things that make you happy together. While you do it, understand each other. Communicate. Learn. Then live life, experience new things, keep the experiences you loved with one another alive with that understanding… together.
We will reach 19 years of love on October 31st, 2020.
The big questions! How did you guys meet? How did you guys stay together for so long!? 19 years! Crazy huh? Well here’s my story…
I was born a navy brat. Born in Hawaii, moved to Lemoore, Guam, Long Beach, San Diego, Sasebo Japan, Yokosuka Japan then back to San Diego where I live now.
I never had a lot of friends. I was always shy. An introvert. It didn’t help that I was moving around every 2 to 3 years growing up. Move to a new place, have to try and make friends, then I leave. I always felt lonely.
When I moved back to San Diego from Yokosuka, Japan I was a senior in high school. Picture that situation. New senior in high school, no friends and everyone already had their tight crew with no room for anyone new. I mean it’s their last year of high school and they want to spend it with their besties. I had to spend my last year of high school as loner.
Fearing being alone for my last year of high school I did something I never thought I would do since I was an introvert. I joined an extracurricular activity. And what did I join? Choir. I love music and although the thought of performing scared the hell out of me, I just thought it was time to express myself in something I love. That’s where Tiggah comes in.
Tigz looked like a bad boy raver when I first met him. He would come in late with his large JNCO jeans and backpack lined with glows sticks. Sometimes he wouldn’t show up at all. But I always noticed him. I thought he was soooo cute! Mind you at that time I was struggling with my identity. I was still ‘straight.’
I grew up in a Navy family. Back then being gay wasn’t as accepted as it is today especially in a navy household and environment. I guess I knew I was gay but just suppressed it because I was scared to be out.
A few months go by and it’s prom time. I end up asking who turned out to be one of his best friends, a girl to prom. I asked her because she was so nice to me and I had no one to ask. Me and Tigz end up hanging out in the same group although we didn’t talk much. He had his girl date too. Prom ends and no it’s not a get lucky at prom situation. I go home by myself.
Cut to a few weeks after that, we have our last choir performance. Some of the members were talking about hitting up an underground rave. Ive never been to one. Sounded fun. So as I was getting ready to go home he and his friends ask me if I was interested in going. I got out of my shell for a second and said ‘yeah sure.’ We go to this rave and I finally got to feel what living was. I was surrounded by a group of people that loved each other and just wanted to have fun and do bad things. You know, what you are supposed to do as a teenager. From that moment we hung out a lot. Parties, video games, movies all of the fun things I missed growing up moving everywhere. Then I became close to Tigz and we hung out all the time.
Our first home made dinner with each other! 😊
I was still ‘straight.’ Tigz would introduce me to new guys every two months or so always saying it was his ‘best friend from out of town’ or something along the lines of that. It was apparant he was dating these guys but he was in the closet as well. Well he finally mustered up the strength to come out. I may have gotten this wrong but even though I was his new friend, I was one of the one he came out to first. I was like fuck! He came out to me! Do I? Hmmm. I wasn’t ready.
Tigz, one guy after another, was having trouble finding someone that really cared about him. The guys he dated were assholes and Tigz was just the nicest guy. It broke my heart to see his heart break over and over again. He gave up on guys. So what did he do? He dated a girl who he says he fell in love with but wasn’t sexually attracted to her. Of course we all know Tigz has a massive sex drive so he was caught with a predicament.
I too at the time dated a girl. Really sweet girl. Super pretty. I tried to tell myself I was straight but I couldn’t get myself to have sex with her. Maybe fingered her but I couldn’t fuck her. We were in college at the time and I thought OK this is college. I should do the college thing and explore myself.
Both of us dating these girls, I decided to come out to Tigz. Mind you we became best friends for 2 years and I was his straight friend for those 2 years. I wasn’t expecting for him to just like me after coming out to him. I mean I wasn’t the most good looking guy that time. My face full of pimples and I was a lot heavier guy back then.
I come out to him. He doesn’t believe me. He actually denies it! He thought I was fucking around with him. Playing a joke. I didn’t know how to make him realize I wasn’t playing. I asked if I could borrow some VHS porn. Yeah the internet wasn’t as big as it is now lol. He came by looking nervous and he was like are you sure? I said yeah, I’m gay! Lol. He lends me Brandon Lee’s ‘With Sex you get Eggroll.’ who remembers that legendary video!? He leaves. I jerk off to it. A lot! He calls and ask me if I’ve watched it and I tell him yeah. Jerked off to it numerous times.
A few days pass by and we decide to hang out. We just wanted to talk. Of course we talked about me really being gay. I could tell he was nervous. I could see it in his eyes whenever he did look at me. It was hard for him to look at me. We park at a baseball field and recline our seats to look through the sunroof. The sunroof was closed and realized we were gazing upon the reflections of our bulges through our pants. Upon that realization we quickly put our seats back up laughing nervously.
Ive never had a boyfriend. I wouldn’t even consider the girl I was with at the time a real girlfriend. It was only for two weeks. So what came next was out of my element.
How does this introvert prove to this experienced gay man that he IS gay?
I say I’ll prove it and lean in for a kiss. We pull back. His face covered in nerve and confusion. We look at each other like is this really happening? We lean in for another kiss that turned into a full make out. There we were at a baseball field parking lot at night making out. He pulls out my dick and starts sucking me off. Fuck it felt so good. I take his dick out and I suck him off. My first gay experience. Pretty much my first sexual experience in general. A Car comes up so we stop. The only thing on our minds is we gotta keep this going.
We park in numerous places. On different streets having to move when someone comes by, even in a navy base that I thought would be deserted because it was so late. We basically had crazy passionate sex all over San Diego.
Thinking this was a one off thing he didn’t want to leave his girlfriend. I instantly fell in love and wanted to be with him. I broke up with my girlfriend which was so hard to do because I’ve never hurt anyone like that before. I asked Tigz to do the same. I told him I know how all the other guys treated him and I would be different. I really meant it and still mean it to this day. I will treat him like the most important thing in my life. I will never make him feel any less than what he is worth and he is worth everything. He eventually came around to it and the rest is history. We’d go to each other’s houses when the parents weren’t home and just fuck like rabbits. We were still young but I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He’s my first and my last and it will always be that way.
We’ve had our ups and downs and boy were the downs sometimes pretty bad but we always knew we had to take care of each other. We worked through the hard parts and 18 years later I couldn’t be more happier. Being able to share our lives and even our intimate moments has been amazing and love how we help people with their relationships. I think it helped ours too to be able to look at our relationship from an outside perspective.
I have never fallen out of love with him and never will. I love you bah bah (that’s what we call each other).
So now, how 19 years? That will be in another future post. Part 2! Please comment below on your thoughts! I’d love to hear what you guys think! Once again much love for you guys and thank you for continuing to be on the journey with us! ❤️❤️❤️
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the man that has made me happy for all these years, who has always been there for me and has made me smile throughout this quarantine. I’m stuck to you forever so being home with you is nothing different. As long as we can smile together I don’t care where we are. I love you, my #mcm, @tiggahtigz.
Halloween is not only my favorite holiday, it also happens to be our anniversary. Happy anniversary @groovapooh! I love you from infinity and beyond!
We decided to have a little getaway in Palm Springs to celebrate our anniversary. We’re staying at this really cute clothing optional gay resort called Santiago Resort. I’ll post more about our anniversary vacation soon :)
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